Essential Oils and Autism
Why are essential oils useful in supporting my autistic needs?
One of the key features of my autistic journey is my relationship with scent. Everyone has favourite and least favourite smells. Smell has an incredible ability to trigger memories. The smell of fresh grass for many takes you back to that sense of freedom you had as a child when the summer holidays arrived. The smell of fresh coffee triggering a sense of family time on lazy Sunday’s or sense of connection as you catch up over a coffee.
Freedom of running fields in summer on grass
For the neurodivergent community sense of smell can be super charged and it goes way beyond like/dis-like. I recall being at secondary school and one of the girls in my year would bring a beautifully wholesome and balanced pack lunch to school. Full of all the super foods that as a parent, we dream of having the head space or time to fill our kids with. Teen years are always a challenge as you find your way in the world but I was going through a bit of a dominant phase. It is no excuse, if you are reading this and recognise yourself- I am sincerely sorry and what I am about to say is not an excuse!
The smell of humous and rice crackers genuinely used to fill my whole body with hate. I could feel it from my head to my toe. If I was in the middle of a really good chat about social lives, boys, horses and that smell wafted over to me it was like someone was being physically hurtful to me. At that stage in my life I was just very un-kind and handed out careless and mean nick names. As my ability to recognise that this was not kind matured I found myself actively avoiding places and activities that would trigger this response. It is rarely an anger response nowadays, more of an anxious panic. I have to leave. I cannot concentrate. In fact, I can barely hear what is being said because my inner voice is too busy discussing how awful the smell is, planning how to get away from it. (This may sound amusing but if this resonates with you, read on!)
As an adult, you are expected to just get on with things and I am very conscious of not putting my opinions into my kids heads. They can make their own choices so takes a lot of regulation for me to not cause a scene. If my husband wants to go explore new places to eat and drink, I genuinely can smell it before we get inside. If it is just him, I will be honest but if the kids are there I have to find some excuses.
This is where essential oils have really helped me, I have developed my Ease & embody essential oil blend for this exact reason- I take everywhere with me. Not just the fact it is a beautiful clean and punchy smell but the impact on my Limbic system is calming and soothing.
Stressful experiences
If you are autistic, chances are you are an over-thinker like me?!
The start and the end of the day are probably the key times for overthinking for me. I am forward planning all of the engagements I will have in my day, I will consider who it is with, where it is and how I need to ‘be’. Will they be honest about how they feel, can I trust their feedback, will they have a hidden agenda behind their views? Will they be setting me up to test me? Will I be able to read their emotions and avoid upsetting them If I slip up and let my mask drop? This is where I consistently use Rise & Shine blend here. Gives you a gentle nudge into your day whilst holding your hand as you step into the new day. As my eyes are open and my body starts to stirr, using the Rise & Shine blend is like your personal sensory support team.
You then navigate the day with getting everyone up and out, school run with parents/teachers and anyone else on route. You deal with your work meetings and events and anything else you have to navigate. wondering in your head if you are giving appropriate eye contact, is your body language right and have you managed to achieve the ‘right level’ of sharing and honesty.
Once the rush is over, driving or walking mostly. I then dissect every conversation I have had- like a mini retrospective. Was that what they ACTUALLY meant? Do they think I was engaged? Did I seem interested? Could I have said anything else that would have clarified things further, was too vague? Meanwhile physically my shoulders are tight, my eyes feel drained, my heart is racing because of my overthinking and my nervous system isn’t sure if we are in crisis or it is yet another false alarm.
These situations are SO incredibly exhausting and I use essential oils to soften the edges. I use Ease and Embody through out the day, just when i need it. Giving me a sensory hug during all of the key events. (I like the fact people in the meeting room look around for where the lovely fresh smell is coming from- under the desk on my pulse points of course!) As the bulk of the day is over I then introduce Sundown soother. Like a gentle comforting stroke to my nervous system. Signalling safety and security. The gorgeous essentials in this one are specialists in this space.
confused and over thinking
Social and busy spaces
Don’t get me wrong, I do like seeing friends and family but I have to have ‘enough spoons’ available. Spoons are a great analogy for managing energy levels. If you haven’t used it before, it basically means using a fictional measure to help you plan your day. So I like to work with 8 spoons. I plan out my day, assign spoons to activities and ensure I am not planning more spoons that I have because that will leave to burn out, shut down and me being unable to be Mum/Wife.
Let’s say I am due in the office for face to face, on site activities. I drive down and conduct the usual over-think on route then walk into a vast shared space office. I instantly know who is in the office by certain key smells and have to deal with the fact there are potent smells of food, drinks, perfumes, materials etc etc. Smells aside, then there is ‘small talk’. I am lucky enough to have a great bunch of friends at work that I love to see and genuinely enjoying chatting and catching up. It’s the awkward moments when you need to hot desk and the person next to you feels awkward and needs to ask benign questions- I then go into overthink mode ‘what is the right response, what is the right level of information, does my face to expressive enough?’ etc, The other person is probably very lovely and just keen to expand their network but I am too engrossed in my over think to enjoy it. This in itself, takes a spoon. I cannot plan this spoon so instead I used my Ease and Embody to try and reduce it maybe to half a spoon and sometimes, that itself can give a nice focused subject I can chat freely about…double win!
Then as the day moves on meetings navigated, over thinking endured, progress made… there is the ‘you coming for lunch’ question. YES I would love to because I like these people and I am hungry. Our work restaurant is a colourful and vibrant space with every food option covered, Guess what? SENSORY OVERLOAD. Smells & noises are off the scale. You hope that anyone you sit with doesn’t get anything too exotic or flavoursome because not only do you wrestle with your inner voices over lunch, you will smell it on your hair and clothes all afternoon. Then if you are with the same bunch for afternoon meetings, you will smell in on them too. Living with Autism means that I know all of these sounds bizarre and particular but equally you cannot change the way you feel. The way forward is to surround yourself with great friends and colleagues. Make good choices and be kind to yourself. I use my essential oils through the day, makes it that little bit easier and means I can be who I need to be. I love Spring and Summer because we can eat outside and this is SO much gentler on my sensory experience. Way less intense. Quieter, fresh air and all round much more restful. The outdoors always makes me feel better, almost immediately!
In summary, Essential oils help me to navigate some of the daily things that I need to navigate to function and to be able to ‘be’. If you haven’t tried it yet, give it a go.